Weirdos

My very first favorite book was called “Chrysanthemum.” It’s a great story, even still, about a girl who feels self-conscious because her name- the titular Chrysanthemum- is different and unique. She’s afraid to stand out, and afraid to show others who she really is. Chrysanthemum, of course, learned to love and be proud of who she was.  It’s possible she was my first favorite weirdo.

I’ve always had a thing for the weird ones. My friend group has always more off in the corner, or more accurately—off in another room entirely, playing a weird game with super complex rules that we made up 5 minutes ago while our favorite teacher looked on and laughed, and everyone else was in the cafeteria eating lunch.

I like the girls who wear sundresses in winter and cloaks in summer and wear their slippers to 2 pm classes because they damn well felt like it. I like boys with bright colored hair and people with interesting tattoos and the kind of folks that listen to angsty music and write really good poetry. I like the people who like what they like, and don’t care who knows it.

And I think part of that is because I’ve always held a deep admiration for people who seem to not care because I care so much. I over-analyze and over-judge myself like crazy, and I am super envious of the people who know how to shut off the ever nagging voice in their heads that is worrying about what other people will say.

Being friends with people who live the lives they want to live- public opinion be damned- has taught me a couple of very important things. The first of these things being that everyone cares sometimes, even if they seem like they don’t. And there isn’t shame in caring, as long as you don’t let that care stop or define you.

I want to do the things I’ve been afraid of. I want to wear weird clothes and do stupid karaoke and write even more emotionally then I already do. I want to paint my nails dumb colors and wear really bright lipstick and read novels in public even if the covers are super embarrassing. I want to do the things I want to do, judgment be dammed.

I’m working very hard not to get caught up in that paralyzing fear of other’s opinions. Luckily, I’ve got some really great weirdos to help me work it all out.