Finish Line

At the end of last summer I sat in a fake leather chair in an office at Bowie State and tried to convince a woman whose entire job was to worry about student’s course loads to just ignore mine. I wanted to graduate in May. It would mean huge course loads and lots of weird schedules and spending all of my time buried in text books, but I wanted to graduate in May.

So now it’s May.

I’m not walking at graduation. Don’t expect to see a picture of me in a cap and gown. I guess they’ll mail me my diploma eventually, but for now what I have is a little box on the college website with the heading ‘Graduation Status.’ Today that status changed from ‘Pending’ to ‘Approved.’

So I guess this is it.

It feels really anti-climatic.

My journey through college hasn’t really been a straight line from point A to point B. There were pit stops in New York and Chicago. There was more then one school and more then one major, before I figured out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. College wasn’t easy. And I know that people like to paint the rosiest possible pictures of their lives (myself included) but I struggled to get to this point, to that stupid little box on my computer screen telling me that my graduation has been approved. So I want to celebrate it. I want to show my pride. But I kind of don’t know how.

I guess that’s why I’m writing this.

So here’s my goalpost. Here is my finish line. Here is the point where I can say I’m done. I made it.

A couple nights ago my family had a celebration. We went to a restaurant and sat around a giant table and ate some really good food. My grandparents gave me cards and my cousins gave me hugs. My dad gave a toast that was three sentences long that almost made me cry. It was so nice to be surrounded by so many people I love.

I’m not sure exactly what is coming next. Camp, in a few weeks, then essentially a giant question mark. I’m applying for things and interviewing and making choices, but nothing is definite yet. It’s scary to have my entire future feel like an unknown.

If this blog post seems a little all-over-the-board, that's because my brain feels a little all-over-the-board right now. I feel pride and I feel anxiety. I feel accomplished, and also afraid.

But I also feel like that isn’t enough of a reason to ignore the point that I’m at now. I worked hard to get here. I’m going to take a moment to reflect and to take my victory lap.

Thanks for all the love and support—always, but this year even more so.

It’s been hard.

But I did it.