What We Write When We Don't Write Philosophy Papers

I’ve been missing from this blog for a little bit. I don’t really have a good reason why, and I can’t really promise I’ll do better in the future. I’m stressed and sad and doing a million things and taking way too many credit hours. Locking myself in my room for a week while I read 600 pages of African American History doesn’t make for great blog posts.

I’m now a week and a half in to my last semester of college which is great but also genuinely terrifying. I can feel the looming specter of “whatever comes next” over each paper I wrote and each PowerPoint presentation I click through, (related; if any of you are looking to hire come August, hit me up!) and its kind of overwhelming. But the way out is through, so I’m trudging through these classes and living this day to day, knowing that pretty soon these days are going to be different.

I’m trying not to be overwhelmed by all of it. I’m trying to find the balance between “this is all so soon” and “this is not soon enough.” Between “I’m ready to graduate” and “I have no idea what comes after graduation.”

I’m admitting that I’m kind of scared.

Outside the snow is coming down in big clumps, but it’s not sticking to the sidewalks. In an effort to stay awake I’m drinking a diet coke, and feeling the carbonation dance on my tongue. The room in front of the library where I am currently seated has a half a dozen people in it. We’re all aware of each other and doing our best to ignore this almost intimate proximity we are sharing in silence broken only by the click of laptop keys.

I have a philosophy paper due on Thursday that I have written approximately one paragraph of. I’m writing this instead.

But Thursday is coming. And Friday comes after that. And then the next week, and the next month, and before I know it, it’ll be graduation day.

I can’t stop the future from coming. I just have to make sure I’m ready when I get there.