Where I'm At Right Now

Sometimes the only cure for sadness is to let yourself feel it. To wallow in it. To embrace it, fully, head on.  Sometimes you don’t want to cure sadness. Sometimes you just want to feel sad. And that’s ok. That’s natural. That’s how emotions work.

I’m going through a rough patch right now. New York is hard and scary and I am very bad at living here. My feelings are all over the place, but mostly I find myself feeling down. The kind of down where I don’t particularly want to feel up. I want to wallow. I want to feel the sadness.

And I know that’s not healthy and I know that’s not smart, but it’s what I need right now. We all cope in different ways.

And right now my coping is watching a lot of Netflix and not doing a lot of thinking. Cuddling in a ball on the living room floor and letting myself sit still, for even just a few moments. Drinking a lot of hot tea and iced tea and getting comfortable again, inside my own head.

I've tried to write all my feelings out, and I've tried to yell the lyrics to angsty songs. I've tried healthier diets and getting more sun, I've tried every tip and trick in the book. 

So now, I guess, I'm trying to embrace it.

Yeah it’s weird, and yeah it’s sad, but it’s where I’m at right now.

Here, alone, with my emotions.

So I’m going to feel them for a little while. Let myself embrace that.

And maybe, hopefully, someday soon it will turn around.